AlsDoubles... I thought of u while reading this

[Ghost]

Hey Als.... When I saw this I thought of you and all the Curry you always talk about!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D


If you can read this whole story without tears of laughter running down
>
> your cheeks, then there's no hope for you!
>
>
>
> *Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to
>
> the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better!*
>
>
>
> For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is
>
> They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to
>
> town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome.
>
>
>
> The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was
>
> visiting Texas from the East Coast:
>
>
>
> Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
>
> cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I
> happened
>
> to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the
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> Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
>
> judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,
>
> besides, they told me I could have free ! beer during the tasting, so
> I
>
> accepted."
>
>
>
> Here are the scorecards from the event:
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> Chili # 1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili)
>
>
>
> Judge # 1 A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
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>
>
> Judge # 2 Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
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>
>
> Judge # 3 (Frank) Holy , what the hell is this stuff? You could
>
> remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
>
> flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
>
>
>
> Chili # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili)
>
>
>
> Judge # 1 Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
>
>
>
> Judge # 2 Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
> seriously.
>
>
>
> Judge # 3 (Frank) Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure
>
> what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people
>
> who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more
>
> beer when they saw the look on my face.
>
>
>
> Chili # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili)
>
>
>
> Judge # 1 Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
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>
>
> Judge # 2 A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
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>
>
> Judge # 3 (Frank) Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose
>
> feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by
>
> now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back,
>
> now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting
>
> -faced from all of the beer!
>
>
>
> Chili # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic)
>
>
>
> Judge # 1 Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
>
>
>
> Judge # 2 Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
>
> other mild foods, not much of a chili.
>
>
>
> Judge # 3 (Frank) I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
>
> unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the
>
> barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch
>
> is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is
>
> chili an aphrodisiac?
>
>
>
> Chili # 5! (Laura's Legal Lip Remover)
>
>
>
> Judge # 1 Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
>
> considerable kick. Very impressive.
>
>
>
> Judge # 2 Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
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> the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
>
>
>
> Judge # 3 (Frank) My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my
> forehead
>
> and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me
>
> needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that
>
> her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from
>
> bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if
>
> I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges
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> asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
>
>
>
> Chili # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety)
>
>
>
> Judge # 1 Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
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> spices and peppers.
>
>
>
> Judge # 2 The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
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> Superb.
>
>
>
> Judge # 3 (Frank) I myself when I farted and I'm worried it will
>
> eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except
>
> that very *friendly* person Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my
> lips
>
> anymore. I need to wipe I disagree with a snow cone.
>
>
>
> Chili # 7 (Sandra's Screaming Sensation Chili)
>
>
>
> Judge # 1 A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
>
>
>
> Judge # 2 Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
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> chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
>
> about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is
>
> cursing uncontrollably
>
>
>
> Judge # 3 (Frank) You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,
>
> and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
>
> sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
>
> chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of
>
> lava-like to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll
>
> know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful.
>
> Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just
>
> suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
>
>
>
> Chili # 8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili)
>
>
>
> Judge # 1 The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold
>
> but spicy enough to declare its existence.
>
>
>
> Judge # 2 This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
>
> nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed
>
> out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not
>
> sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted
>
> to a really hot chili?

[BobsYourUncle unlogged]

LOL, this is too funny!!!

[Ghost]

I know Als has not read this because I know there would be a comment on the curry!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D

[Ghost]

Okay another joke.......


CIA VACANCY ;D

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin.

These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of
testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered
for the position. After sending some applicants through the background
checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2
men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the
extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of
the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your
wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious!
I could never shoot my own wife!"

"Well," says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this
job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the
circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find
your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and
went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened.

The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot
her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not
the right man for the job."

"No" the CIA man replied, "you don't have what it takes. Take your wife
and go home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the
same door to the same room and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure
that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this
is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair.
Take this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed
all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after another
for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard
screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several
minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the
woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the
gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!" ;D

[Ghost]

Brit, Frenchie, Russian.....


ART CRITICS

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve
frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be
British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful.
Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple
to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are
Russian."