That went over my head January (a lot of things do).
Today's joke comes from the Croatia times. The last sentence says it all.
The prominent International Federation of Football History & Statistics (IFFHS) has released its latest rankings of the world's best football clubs and has ranked Croatian club Dinamo Zagreb in 81st place, ahead of famous Dutch club Ajax and England's Liverpool. Dinamo's run of wins in the Croatian league, which has seen them come within inches of taking out another title, has seen the Zagreb club jump seven places from 88th to 81st place. Behind Dinamo on the list are Champions league round of 16 finalists Bayer Leverkusen from Germany, French league leaders Montpellier, Liverpool and Italian club Roma. Dinamo was not the only Croatian club to make the list of top 400 clubs in the world. Varazdin FC came in at 329th on the list, reported portal net.hr.
Fred was so excited having got hold of a cup final ticket, having tried and failed for so many years. This time, he'd got a cancellation in a lottery draw. On the day, still bubbling with excitement, he took his seat. Unable to contain his delight he turned to man in the next seat and explain how lucky he was to get a ticket. The guy replied "It was my wife's ticket, she died". Fred felt awful and commiserated with his neighbour - but asked him "Why didn't you give the ticket to a family member or maybe a close friend?" "I would've" came the reply, "but they're all at her funeral.
Q. Who says " I wa wa want t t to go t t to fr fr fr france with m m my t t teacher "
A. Megan Stammers
At least you can stammer "I do" easier in French.
I wonder how the "French" classes are going? And why do they call it "French Kissing"? Was it invented in France? Gather a "hicky" came from Mississippi, leach country with all those swamps. And thank God for all those "missionaries", to help us better understand the position, although someone forgot to chain up the doggy, which suits some peoples style.
One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. The man orders a beer, and so does the ostrich. The cat orders half a pint, and refuses to tip the bartender. The bartender tells them their bill is $10.78. The man reaches into his pocket and gets exactly $10.78. The next day, the man, the ostrich and the cat go back to the bar. They order the same thing as the day before, and again the cat is really rude to the bartender and won't tip him. The bartender tells them that their bill is $10.78. The man reaches into his pocket and gets exactly $10.78. The next day, the man, the ostrich and the cat go back into the bar. This time the man and the ostrich order a double scotch. The cat orders a scotch and is rude to the bartender. The bartender smiles to himself, knowing that there is no chance the man will get the exact amount of money, and he's getting pissed at the cheapskate cat. He tells the man that their bill is $15.63. The man reaches into his pocket and gets the exact change! The bartender is astonished. He asks the man how he always gets the right amount of change. The man tells him, "Well, one day I came across a lamp. I rubbed it and a genie came out. He told me I could have any three wishes I wanted. My first wish was that I could reach into my pocket and get the exact change of anything I was buying." "Very smart," said the bartender. "My second wish was to have a high tolerance for alcohol." "Good choice!" the bartender exclaimed. "What was your third wish?" "Well, that wasn't too bright on my part. I wished for a chick with long legs and a tight girl thingy."
On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales and stopped at the village with longest name in all of the UK.... Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch.
They stopped for lunch and asked the waitress, "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?
The girl leaned over and said...... "Mack... Don.... Alds"